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02:07pm 15/11/2006
  so im at my new work and cant look at my friends page because there are so many blocks on the computers

as a result will everyone please remove hate, violence, pornography or adult material from their lj's?
0h go on......

well fuck ye!
 
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04:26pm 04/11/2006
  grr i fucking hate not drinking! stupid baby
i know its not its fault but still, everyones away to belfast and im going to be alone, cant even stay with my mum cos her and dad are going out to belfast with their friends
why the fuck does everyone have friends now?
ok so im not nice enough to have them and everyone pretty much hates me and yes i hate it but i really did try and no one ever sticks around for more than a month or two before they hate me and piss off

god i need a drink. or 10
or enough to make me pass out

stupid me
its all my fault
 
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12:08pm 28/10/2006
  am at my mums house and its darrens lunch hour and i wish i was with him, i need a cuddle to cheer me up cos im thinking again
i should learn not to think because it only gives me headaches and makes me cry over stuff
silly gay fran are making me dress up tonight cos i will not, and i mean WILL NOT pay a bloody £5 to see them play the same songs ive seen them play over and over for the past 3 years
and i have no costume, i think the only solution is last years solution of putting on an eyeliner nose and whiskers and declaring my inner cattiness, and maybe some glitter. disco cat!
still dont know when im going to get back to work, or even if i ever will grr im so fat now from lying around on the sofa watching murder she wrote and columbo. i got an ass groove and the duvwet now lives on the sofa with me
i hope you reading this darren cos then you'll know that i miss you like mad and need you to protect me from all manner of unsavoury characters and evils with your super brave self
love you!
 
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06:37pm 05/10/2006
  meh its cold and im all sniffly, its so shitters
have the week off work and next week im in belfast all by myself for stupid training that im not even sure i should be doing, medically speaking
but on a good note i dont have to see smelly ginger pervy wanker boss damien until 2nd of november!! yay!

nothing new has happened, i still cant play my ds (i suck) and i watched lots of my name is earl, i was watching more today but the electric cut out grr
no one is in the pub anymore, its gay. or maybe im gay for still going to there? oh someones gay anyhow
 
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02:08pm 16/09/2006
  sexy as a dishcloth  
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01:56pm 16/09/2006
  god damn i want a fucking drink!
i wanna fall over on a road and not feel it
i wanna cry over nothing and then be fine a minute later
i wanna stay out past 11pm

i want things back to normal
 
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04:12pm 10/09/2006
 
mood: pessimistic
music: singing alice in chains songs into myself
im happy for everyone really i am, its just that i want to kill them for being happy, but im glad they are
i wish i knew what it is that makes me so pesimistic (gee i cant spell) (or can i?)
but congrats to all you girls that are getting what you want and have a drink for me, getting what i dont want
 
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02:54pm 12/08/2006
  so bloody bombscare dares to threaten my engagement night! boo!
if it happens im looking forward to it and im having a rare moment of sunny outlookism
but i know that theres two people who id like to be there that wont be due to me being a bastard

christine, im sorry ive been a bastard. i really did want to go to johns birthday and so did terence but the poker didnt end until 3 and we had no way back from agohill until henry was ready to leave.... i know its a shitty excuse but im sorry.

but anywho, there should be enough people to fill a table and dj pj (giggle) is dj-ing for us, and it wont be all hiphop!! there will be a lovely mix of ethnically correct music and shit
wish i had a few more friends i could invite but at the minute on my list is kara.....and maybe charlie?


god i sound like a psycho ooh lets be best friends or i'll kill myself stalker lady
im not by the way
i just miss having someone to talk to other than darren when im pissed
hes not as bitchy as me
 
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02:17pm 22/07/2006
  eh, life is gay
in fact, everything is gay. so i've still been going out and getting drunk but its no fun, i havnt had a conversation with anyone other than darren is ages. ok so one with debbie and one with terence. woo! thats a whole 2
i might become a recluse and just turn into a raging depressed alcoholic, im nearly there... just need cheaper vodka and to not go out

eugh, im gay

everybody sucks
 
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04:29pm 12/05/2006
  yaaaaay
me and darren, 1 year tomorrow!!! eeeeep
going away for la weekend to portrush to get horribly drunk and have lots of sex, or not, depending on how drunk i am

i cant get another 3 beds in our hostel for dublin and im going to be killed!!! eep!!
 
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05:37pm 25/04/2006
 
mood: nostalgic
bah fuck!
going to dublin in a month and havnt yet booked anywhere to stay ha, bollocks
thought at about 11pm friday night that everything was great and then i cant remember anything and now im pretty sure it's the same as it was before or maybe crapper, but just by a little
wish i could give up work and become an alco
wish i could stop worrying about stupid little things, i always concentrate on the stupid stuff and block out really important things
if a sound could express every feeling it would be "ha-cha"

xx
 
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05:18pm 26/03/2006
  sooo was working last night and this morning and thought i was goin to die from tiredness but am oddly awake, or is it aroused? no
no im sure its awake
at my mammys house and she made yummy dinner so im all mega super fat right now, miss darren tho
wanna get drunk, getting my horrible alcohol cravings graaarr
musnt be too hung over tomorrow tho cos i need to have a go at my dick head manager who stole my weekend off and wont give it back!!!!
people shouldnt be allowed to steal time from me, im too nice

xx

oh and shame on you!
 
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03:17am 12/03/2006
 
mood: drunk
music: editors song stuck in my head
arg have been so so fucked all night
in my mum and dads lookin after honey cos they be aways
took many drugs, drank a lot, have john and christine here!!!
really glad they decided to come out and really super glad that john seems to be in a good mood now

eugh wanna get fucked again, cant, damn pills blocking drink affect!!!!
 
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04:40pm 18/02/2006
  oh getting really angry, should stop
can't
hey! FUCK YOU EVERYBODY!


ever have a day where all the bad things that anyone has ever done to you come flooding back into your brain?
 
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04:26pm 18/02/2006
  got proper job eh, have to do 5 days a week now.... 5? i can just about manage 3
and im pissy at everyone right now
and i got added to a msn that may or may not be niamh
and if it is her shes trying to trick me into something
and if its not her its one of her friends trying to trick me
henrys invited me and darren up to the beach club with him tonight, oh god i really dont think i could handle that, my confidence is low enough without being surrounded by hundreds of gore-gous people
fuck sake i still freak out at the thought of jenna and the other one (only people who know me well will understand the other one apart from darren)
(ha, thats noone, im just really telling myself, which is stupid cos i already know)

oh nausea

where the fuck is the blue disk?? really???
 
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04:41pm 04/02/2006
  everythings fine as usual, nothing special happening
blah
darrens still the prettiest thing ever though
rrr rarr
xx
 
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01:29pm 22/01/2006
  aieee friday night, got horribly drunk, lost people found people, got taxi home, talked to taxi driver about religion, spent waaaaay too much money, remember next to nothing about being in the bar and got sick

saw my moo soo tho and peter which was damn good and im sorry i ran off and didnt quite explain that i was going home, i didnt know if you noticd anyway, heehee

got to go to work in 15 mins, dont want to, dont like work
want to do something different, bored with life, need to do something to entertain myself but cant figure out what...........

suggestions puhlease
xx

thanks to my lovely darren for looking after me and cleaning me
 
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06:17pm 12/01/2006
  im so sick of being so horribly average
i didnt want to be, i really didnt, but things never quite go to plan

i was supposed to have nice hair and a few choice piercings and be able to wear fun clothes that made me happy, and i was nearly there once or twice but it went balls up and i mamged to fuck myself over

so now i shop in new look and dorothy perkins or maybe primark
i wear light coloured jeans and boring tshirts with stupid random dates on them
my hair is brown
and i just took out the last piercing i got cos it was too sore

pussy?
i think so

sympathy?
no

i wish i could change and start doing what i want to do instead of what makes life easiest
and i know im not the girl you fell in love with
in fact i look like someones mother
sorry to you and sorry to me but theres really not much else i can do
 
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11:31am 26/12/2005
 
mood: hopeful
music: korn dvd - falling away from me
i found something, i found something really bitchin...... i mean REALLY bitchin

you're gonna love me
 
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11:56pm 25/12/2005
  no darren for a whole 2 days, fuck, im half way through and lonely
at my mum and dads for bloody christmas, believe me the presents were fuckin awesome but with work this morning then over drunk annoying uncle and dad i just want to have my darren here......
brought my korn dvd out with me and that killed an hour and now im trying to find interesting stuff on ebay to waste my money on
pfaff

xx
 
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